Week 9 Blog
This week was not pleasant to say the least. With another pressuring deadline to make for next week that's put another life on the line the heat is on and I can't afford to slip up now. And yet I can already feel tensions building in the group as tasks aren't met and obstacles block our progress. I have to admit even I'm starting to feel uneasy with the situation and fear things could escalate if the next meeting doesn't go well. This is no doubt a make or break moment and how we end up after the meeting will determine that.
The above along with the struggles I had in Thursday's class to focus made me feel nauseous that afternoon which was straight up unpleasant. Honestly I'm surprised I was able to walk to the train station that day after all that (It felt like Hell). With the added pressure to memorize all the nuke functions to make up for our lack of refinement with the program doesn't help with the matter and is another distraction I just do not need at this point. Monday's waste of time of a subject also factored into my frustrations as it ate up my whole Sunday which could have been used for the project but were instead forced to meet the requirements of another bloody mundane presentation for an already redundant unit. The all nighter I pulled on Monday didn't help with my mental stability as I felt like a zombie throughout all of Tuesday, with even a small bit of light making my eyes twitch.
I think it's safe to say that after all this I will never want to think about brutalist designs ever again, trying to get that aesthetic down with these designs has been borderline aggravating, going through rejection after bloody rejection. I'm sick of it! I just want a fucking design to get the greenlight! Thankfully the ship design seems to be getting there, hitting the right middle ground of patterns we were looking for, the rooms on the other hand still throw trouble my way. Having to reconstruct the gym and eatery from the ground up didn't help things and trying to find influences for the gym was near impossible given the fact I could barely find anything similar to the subject matter online to help me craft it. Are futuristic gyms really that niche?
The UVing process was straight forward with the props and didn't give me too much stress...the same could not be said for the lab room and that damn hole in the ground. It was a stretchy UV nightmare and I had no option but to cut it from the ground to try and get it looking natural which in the end it couldn't match the scaling of the floor. To add a cherry on top when submitting it to the producer, the damn cylinder representing the wires on the back got in the way as I forgot to take that into account. I should have deleted that damn object then I could have saved that embarrassing moment and talk down from said producer.
Speaking of which I have become concerned with the leaders attitudes towards us in feedback. There are signs of underlying irritation in their words (red flags popping up with their image feedback's on UVs) and I fear this will lead to internal conflicts within the group. I don't want to antagonize anyone (I'm not someone who enjoys conflict) and I can understand the stress they are under with what they have to do and their other commitments, but I can't help but get nervous about their attitudes towards us and how sour it could potentially turn, and all it will take is one badly timed comment or an absent member on the worst day for it to knock the pillars over and bring in disaster.
Compared to last time when we had a life on the line where I felt more optimistic about our chances I can't help but feel anxious about it this time. If we do avoid the loss it will keep us afloat....if otherwise then god only know's how the atmosphere is going to feel after that blunder. If I start to feel a pain building in my stomach...I'll know things have gone south...
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